Dear Heart to Heart, I have been in love with this girl for two years. However, her family has stopped her from making our relationship official because I am married. Her sisters tell her I will always go back to the mother of my children so she should leave me. She was aware that I was married even from the start of the relationship but had chosen to love me the way I was. I am totally shattered because I love this girl and I feel I cannot live without her. Should I end the relationship?


YOUR FEEDBACK

Ashadu Atayi. I am sure when you were still dating your wife you said the same things: “I cannot live without you.” Mr, go back to your wife and sort things out. Look at the corners that are dragging you out and fix them. Getting introduced by another woman won’t solve a thing.

Brian Mugume. Did you say you are married? How do you define love then? So what do you take your wife to be; a baby making machine? Go back to your wife. Simple.

Bella K Garner. Biblically it is lust, doubt in God and discontent that drive one to marry more than one partner. It is never out of love that one marries a second woman. Even the Biblical Abraham married again after his wife Sarah had died which is approved of. The Bible says: “Man shall leave his mother and father and be joined to his wife”, it does not say wives.

Mastulah Mugenyi. Her family is right. If you leave the mother of your children for her, what makes her sure you won’t leave her for another woman and besides where were you looking when you were marrying your wife, if you did not love her?

Olukuma Joseph. The Bible says: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife” not wives. Hence God’s plucking out from Adam only one rib to make for him a wife, not wives.

Mugisha Meddy. For how long shall we live in the 18th Century? This is the 21st Century; one man, one woman. There are a lot of single men out there. You should have some sense of respect for the mother of your children.

Fred Leekuson. Combined question: 1. How many times did you sleep with her? 2. What is unique about her that your wife does not have? Talk openly to your wife about what you need her to improve or else you are welcoming more trouble than good.
Samaha Shareef. When you married your wife were you not in love? If you marry this girl won’t you fall in love with another girl and then another after that? Get hold of your feelings and settle in your marriage. You can always fall in love with your wife again and again.

Counsellor says

Evelyn Lufafa, counsellor at Ssuubi Medical Centre
Judge your situation critically

Dear Grant, it is a good you have shared your perplexing situation. It is quite clear that you are obsessed with this girl. Marriage is a decision between two people but not out of emotion because there are a lot of ups and downs.

Although she knew you were married at the start of the relationship, you need to take more time to analyse your reasons for marrying her. Your decision to marry her could be emotional and things may change over time.

Critically judge your situation to see if you will be happy together when her parents have rejected you in the first place. And the parents may be right because you have failed to honour your first marriage where you even have children. What will happen if you find another girl whom you will love deeply?

Generally, in any decision that involves marriage, the two partners have a great role to play and ensure that you are not deciding out of emotions because these may change over time but rather upon mature decisions of complementing and compatibility.

Compiled by Beatrice Nakibuuka