Things have been moving so fast in the last few days that even activities in a beehive might look like mere sunbathing compared to what the Chieftaincy of Military Intelligence is involved in. CMI agents have picked senior cops with so much abandon one would think they were promised a 13th salary and shopping vouchers for the festive season for each cop arrested.

We don’t know who the whistle-blower on the Agasirwes of Uganda Police were, but at least we know CMI took swift action upon receiving a tip from the whistle-blower.

Ultimately, there is so much for these guys to do to put this nation in the right path to middle income economy by 2020. But they can’t do it all by themselves. That is why they need whistle-blowers. The public must collaborate with CMI. It is upon this that I have decided that the chap who blew the whistle on Frank Gashumba won’t have his limelight alone. I also want my name to pop up at a Defence ministry presser and parading of suspects or any other way CMI might decide to handle my tip-off.

I might be a bit late on this but I am sure CMI agents did not hear of the anomaly that, a few hundred kilometres from their headquarters, men are bemoaning the size of condoms in relation to their weapon. Now, Karimojong and weapons have always been bedfellows. However, until media reports recently, we have only thought the weapons are limited to those beloved AK47 they sling over their shoulders.

Gen Yoweri Museveni used to spend sleepless nights digging his pate for a way to effectively disarm the Karimojong. Just when he thought his tactics had worked, it now turns out that CMI agents did not do a proper job to facilitate the disarmament of the Karimojong. The guys still have more weapons than earlier thought. This is a matter of urgency.

You see, these guys walk around half naked and we thought it was their culture but now it turns out that no Joe Boxer of Calvin Klein can wrap their weapons. Given that Gen Museveni is not one to waste time in dealing with issues of health concerns, I hope CMI get their act together this time.

They owe it to the C-i-C. There was that time that the C-i-C proved his love for health issues so much that he took over the medical doctors housing units and gave it to CMI just so the agents can be close enough to Mulago to know who has been circumcised there or not. On matters of health, he doesn’t waste time even if it means declaring state of emergency just to avert doctors’ strike.

CMI must make the mad dash to Karamoja and bring to Uganda Media Centre all the fleshy evidence of weapons and whatever pair of stamps or passports these guys hold. They are a threat to national security. Imagine they went on rampage like they were on sex Halloween and yet the rubbers available don’t fit them. This means they will cork and shoot live bullets, like those excitable police officers do to Opposition supporters. This would be bad. The hard-earned ARVs factory that Gen Museveni blessed us with would fail to compete with the demands.
To CMI, you have to deal with these guys and their weapons now to save Gen Museveni some frustration at a time age limit is making him envy Peter Pan.

Meanwhile, the other matter that needs CMI attention is on how to complete Ibrahim Abiriga’s life. The man has tried so hard to be yellow from inside out. He painted his car and house yellow, wears yellow shoes, suits and pees yellow stuff in public places. The other day he even gifted his wife with seven ‘mother’s union’. It is therefore disappointing that CMI agents are too one-dimensional to notice that Abiriga’s skin complexion is as dark as Robert Mugabe’s hair. What CMI should do is simply arrest the guys at Plascon or Sadolin and charge them with the crime of failure to produce paints that can turn Abiriga yellow.

It is the duty of CMI to ensure that such a dedicated senior citizen and loyal cadre of the regime doesn’t run frustrated with the tone of his skin.

In other areas worth whistling to CMI about, there is this one called Rose Namayanja. After nearly meeting her creator in a road accident, she decided to celebrate the second anniversary of the crash with a very peculiar cake. According to pictures on social media, the cake was designed in the shape of mangled V8. Gen Elly Tumwine would be good preparing a medal for the most creative NRM official here, but before he gets there, CMI needs to swing into action.

Social media is savage. Some of the comments people have made concerning that anniversary cake is beyond words. This is why we need CMI to take action. Like social media was cheekily putting, Namayanja needs to be picked up and paraded before the media with her cake evidence. The interrogation should ask questions like, “what anniversary cake would you design if you survived rape?” “Will the cake be a coffin or tomb design if you visited the cemetery and wanted to do an anniversary of it?”

editorial@ug.nationmedia.com