I have always wondered how pickpockets manage to steal men’s wallets, tucked away as they are at the bottom of their posteriors. If you have ever sat next to a man in a bus, then you will, no doubt, be in awe of the snake-like manoeuvres they have to perform to extract the wallet. I wish those who made women’s clothes would do the same for us. Oh, to have a purse stitched to the very underside of my garments! How I would remove money from it is a problem we can tackle another day.
But back to men’s wallets. I can only imagine what secret pains our poor brothers go through, in unmentionable places, after a whole day of sitting on something that resembles a stone. And thus, dear reader, I have come up with a few alternative areas that wallets could be carried around in.
First up is the sock wallet.
Unlike days gone by when people used to tuck rolls of cash right into their malodorous socks, the new all-improved sock wallet would be built right into the sock. Special, sturdy, long-life socks with a one-year guarantee would be manufactured with an inbuilt, lockable wallet-pocket. I can imagine the hunched backs that pick-pockets would develop trying to break through such barriers, ha ha ha! And can you imagine the satisfaction of stepping on the head of someone trying to steal from your socks? Chei!
Next is the chest wallet.
I wanted to suggest an abdomen wallet but then I realised this would be blatantly unfair to those whose abdomens outgrew the rest of their bodies a long time ago. I think the chest is a much safer option. So, the chest wallet would rest on a magnetic strip temporarily attached to a man’s chest (maybe using a special glue). A magnet built into the wallet would attach itself to the magnetic strip on the chest. This would then be accessible from any normal button-down shirt. Foolproof!
As you can see, I am full of brilliant business ideas. Let me go patent them and wait for my billions to roll in. In the meantime, keep your eye on your wallet!