Bahati: So I hear Beti wants govt to bail out Owino market traders with more than Shs2 billion.
Nambooze: Would you prefer dfcu to attach their livelihood instead?
Kathika: Beti speaks like she just dropped out of the new planet NASA discovered.
Gonahasa: This government would rather spend that money on a non-existent project being ghosted around by someone from ‘there’ than its citizens.
Tumwebaze: So what is ‘there’?
Nankabirwa: No point bringing up the issue here. My office will follow up on it with the president.
Nambooze: But Nankabirwa, we could get some more ideas on how to pursue the matter from members.
Akurut: Can someone confirm the rumour that Hon Amodoi is dead?
Cheptoris: His contact is not going through.
Ogwang: Oh no! I just confirmed with the family. Terrible!
Cheptoris: Cyrus? Is this a bad joke?
Oulanyah: Comrades, I’m sad to inform you that Hon Cyrus Amodoi, from Toroma County in Katakwi District, has left us to be with the Lord. May his soul rest in eternal peace.
Cheptoris: What happened?
Anite: RIP.
Karooro: A gentle man. My thoughts are with his family.
Lubwama: RIP.
Kivumbi: May his soul rest in peace.
Fungaroo: Road carnage again! RIP Cyrus.
Cheptoris: Can someone tell me what happened?
Baryomunsi: The late died when the taxi he was travelling in met with an accident on Kampala-Jinja Highway.
Lubwama: Sad, so sad. But why was he travelling by taxi?
Kefa: Very sad. RIP Cyrus. This is embarrassing for the institution of Parliament. After getting Shs100 million for cars, no honourable member should be dying in a commuter taxi like that.
Ssemujju: Good grief! I’m not surprised that the people think it’s normal for MPs to travel in Shs150 million cars, but now even members here start asking such questions?
Kabanda: But where was his car?
Kasibante: May his soul rest in peace. A good servant gone too soon. His life would have been saved had he been using his private car.
Ssegona: I don’t like commenting here precisely because of such mentality, but I can’t help myself. Are you people saying private cars don’t get accidents?
Ssegona: Death is death. RIP Cyrus, but let’s…
Nabilah: Jeez! We are mourning, Ssegona.
[Mpuuga is typing]
Ogwang: Admin, please honour our departed colleague by changing the icon of this group to reflect his mug shot.
[Munyagwa has changed the group icon]
Lokodo: We should prepare a motion to honour his service to Toroma County and the nation at large. May his soul have internal rest.
Anite: Eternal*.
Lokodo: My child, I said internal and I am fully aware of what it means.
[Mpuuga is typing]
Bahati: RIP Cyrus. Otafiire should take charge of the eulogies. His work is cut out already as he will speak about the need for MPs to travel in…
Nsereko: Wait, is this Bahati trying to make a joke around the subject of a dead colleague?
Muhanga: Bahati, you are despicable!
Bahati: My apologise, seems I was getting ahead of myself.
Ecweru: RIP Cyrus: Like Bahati was about to suggest, his death should awaken us to discuss road carnage and how to check it.
Munyagwa: How do you know what Bahati was going to suggest? Does being so dark make you think you are his shadow?
Ecweru: Young man, do I look to you like some old tin to beat around and make whatever sound you wish?
Ssewanyana: Why are you guys so uncouth at such a time as this? Most of us are in shock.
[Mpuuga is typing]
Fungaroo: What is my friend Mpuuga typing?
Mpuuga: RIP Cyrus.
Munyagwa: So that is all Mpuuga has been typing?
Mpuuga: I was on another line speaking to someone about the accident.
Franca: Ecweru, you claimed to read into Bahati’s mind, tell us what he was trying to say.
Ecweru: I never made such a claim. But if I am not mistaken, Bahati was suggesting we move on and ensure that such road carnage is limited, especially against VIPs like us.
Oulanyah: How are you going to achieve that?
Fungaroo: I hope some lumpens are not trying to suggest that we now get accident-proof vehicles.
Oulanyah: Did you just call your colleagues lumpens?
Otto: Ingrid calls us pigs, Rwomushana calls our female colleagues prostitutes, and now Kaps calls us lumpens. How long are we going to tolerate such name-calling?
Lubwama: On a serious note, someone should tell us why the late was travelling by commuter taxi yet he is supposed to be using personal car. This death could have been avoided.
Ssemujju: Death is death, people.
Babirye: He gives and takes. He has decided to take Cyrus. He has His own plans for him. May his soul RIP.
Ssemujju: I don’t see why a legislator should not be expected to travel by taxi. It’s humility. If I had my way, we would all be using bicycles, let alone taxis.
Tumwebaze: Well…
Lubwama: We got the car cash.
Mpuuga: How can one please this nation? Our queries seem too vague and even sometimes, contradicting. How can we complain about wastage, selfishness and extravagance by some of our political leaders and when one of us perishes in a public transport vehicle, his body is almost summoned to explain why he didn’t use his private car? His body is almost summoned to be reminded that he was an honourable and not ordinary citizen to have used that mode of transport. Some Ugandans even ask why people who own cars walk. Is this kind of thinking close to hypocrisy or it’s just being unreasonable? What is this? Hon Cyrus Amodoi died honourably, and with the ‘people’. We should praise that. As for the reason for his using public means, that is irrelevant at this point unless his death was questionable such as in murder.
Rugunda: A round of applause to Mpuuga.
Fungaroo: That sounds like Mpuuga. Now I can get why it took so long.

Lubwama: I don’t understand this.
Munyagwa: Just go and dab Dr Nyanzi some more; you enjoyed it, didn’t you?
Oulanyah: Kaps!!!!! Mpuuga, good words of wisdom. You should be next speaker.