Dear Mr President,
I know you are extremely overwhelmed as you have to keep making one call after another directing security, legislators, RDCs and even Anite and Abiriga over the bothersome issue of these ungrateful people belching obnoxious gases after enjoying the fruits of your liberation. They belch in anger to stop you from amending a piece of paper that you bestowed upon this country. Such ingrates!
However, spare time to look in the direction of Colonel (hereof pronounced Clown-el) Ibrahim Abiriga.
The Arua Municipality MP needs to be recognised and fast to save him from himself.

My psychiatrist friend (I won’t reveal her identity on the same page with matters Clown-el Abiriga) says the maverick and shameless python-ous gift from the land of the Aringa has done everything insanely possible to get his message across.
Priscah—for that is what I will call my psychiatrist friend for now—says that like one would reach a point of satiation and fail to gain any more satisfaction from extra consumption, Abiriga has hit his last bend and could now start engaging in socially sane things. Who wants a sane Abiriga?
The other day I was talking to Abiriga and asked about the yellow madness, he said to me: “In turbulent times, it is not wise to ignore the rants of a mad man.” Put another way, the entire nation is ignoring Abiriga but at their own peril.
How else would we have known that there is an entire constituency of marginalised persons in this country without Abiriga’s latest unabashed fanfare on the wall of the ministry of Finance?
As you read this, there is a man shamelessly urinating in a public space, a woman doing the unthinkable bendover and gushing it... you probably haven’t washed your hands from that business of not ‘keeping urine on you’ that you engaged in a few hours ago before you got down to reading this.
We are that many, but we don’t even know ourselves, Museveni himself doesn’t know us.

Only Clown-el Abiriga does. He is that smart.
The country will be celebrating 55 years of Independence in a few days and then Gen Elly Tumwine, the man who fired the first shot on Kabamba Barracks some 35 years ago, will finally have a lot of irrelevant stuff up his sleeve.
The good things he should have been doing have since been usurped by the likes of Evelyn Anite, only that these other children without umbilical chords are doing it upside down, like bats.

So Gen Tumwine will be dishing out medals to people and my prayer is that Gen Museveni has taken a good note of Clown-el Abiriga and has made that ‘above’ call asking him to ensure Abiriga’s name is high up the list.
According to Psychiatrist Priscah, insanely sane people like Abiriga should never be given a chance to do sane things after they have exhausted the insane ones like urinating in public, passing noxious wind of chapatti constipation upon a beating from Bernard Atiku and wearing too much glares in clothing article.

If the Clown-el has done all these things to the nation in the name of dancing up to one man, and the man is content with it all, just imagine what more he will do if he is not stuffed in a corner and rendered inactive.
Priscah argues that there are two species of clowns: the ones who stop dancing as soon as they have been paid their due, and the ones who just up the ante the more crumbs of bread is thrown their way.

You and I and the rest of the right thinking members of this banana republic must pray for Abiriga to fall in the former category such that a worthless medal could see him deactivated.
Mr President, you like voters and in this time of age limit farce, the constituents you most desire to slap forth your agenda is that of the public urination members.
It is only good that you reward Abiriga for his effort and find better use of us all.

If only you had acquired that legendary vision back in the jungles of Luweero, I can imagine Abiriga would have been appointed commander of the Urinal Infantry, whose role would have, among others, included cleaning up to the download mess left by Otafiire and Kasirye Gwanga.

The urinal infantry would have also made it easy for NRA to just walk into Kampala if they had been deployed to strategic ministries and asked to do that thing Abiriga did complete with their juniors saluting behind them. We all know the UNLA government officials would have fled the ministries for hygiene sake.
Clown-el Abiriga, having excelled in such a role, would have since been holding the revered ministry in charge of the presidential white van.

Mr President, we the taxpayers have no qualms footing for Abiriga’s portfolio. The man has earned his belt serving the true face of this government. Don’t let him do much more than the nation can hold their breath about.

editorial@ug.nationmedia.com