In Summary
  • Satire. In the Members of Parliament WhatsApp group, new entrant Bobi Wine was briefed on the chat group dos and donts as Munyagwa used the platform to campaign for his FDC presidency bid.

Ecweru: So the guy came to show off that he has crowd.
Anite: Mbu to tell the world that crowd can win elections.
Abiriga: Which guy now?
Munyagwa: Abiriga, your ilk wanted Bobi Wine to lose. He dealt you a severe blow.
Abiriga: I am not ill, young man.
Munyagwa: What do you mean?
Franca: They said ilk not ill.
Abiriga: I thought it was typo.
Mpuuga: Poor thing, he thought he was going to correct grammar for the first time.
Katuntu: Bobi Wine has left me speechless. I doubt even Besigye would command such crowd, moreover without paying them or buying the boda bodas fuel.
Anite: Do you have proof that he didn’t offer them anything to come along?
Okupa: I understand why some of you are scared of the people power that Bobi Wine is raving up.
Ecweru: He might succeed where Besigye has failed.
Abiriga: What do you mean?
Nsereko: Abiriga must be scared out of his wits already.
Abiriga: As long as I live, Mzee will go nowhere unless God recalls him from service.
Bahati: What if all this age limit talk is a ruse?
Tumwebaze: Then we should shut up like the speaker directed. We can’t just behave like the rest of the public.
Lubwama: I heard Bobi Wine wants to turn down that car cash. I wish...
[Munyagwa has added HE Kyagulanyi to the group]
Lokodo: Mister, address yourself properly. That HE thing is treasonable now.
Abiriga: Why did you add him?
Munyagwa: He is an honourable member.
Abiriga: Honourable you said?
Okupa: Yes, more honourable than you will ever be in life and death combined.
Abiriga: Don’t temper with my patience, Mister.
Bahati: Where is Otafiire?
Otafiire: Here, what do you have for me? Anti-gay bill to gazette?
Anite: Politics is no longer funny. I hear across the fence Munyagwa is clamouring for FDC presidency.
Ecweru: That can’t be true even if you wrote it in the sky.
Tumwebaze: True story. That party has always been a joke. The best they can do is cry foul but they are nothing.
Munyagwa: What is the problem here?
Nsereko: I think Munyagwa would invigorate FDC under its defiance banner.
Bobi Wine: Yo! Bad man...
Lokodo: Now now now this!
Otafiire: Young man, say those things here again and I will lock you up in Nalufenya and throw the keys in River Nile.
Bobi Wine: Eh, bad man no quarrel. Anyway, it was just a teaser. I mean business. I am humbled and feel privileged to be on this group.
Lubwama: So are you taking that money or do I pick it for you?
Franca: But Resident ATM!
Bobi Wine: Is that Lubwama? I heard that he loves money more than his own looks.
Okupa: So Mr Musician turned politician, are you still His Excellency or Honourable?
Bobi Wine: I brought the ghetto to Parliament and will be the resident Ghetto President in Parliament. But to avoid confusing my people, simply address me as Bobi Wine. No big deal.
Fungaroo: So what have you brought to this group?
Bobi Wine: I am here to inspire Munyagwa to aspire for the big seat. FDC and any sober Ugandan should realise that the era of old men sleeping around and earning big at the expense of struggling youth is gone.
Bahati: Shhhh! When you mention sleep, be careful, you might earn yourself some bitter words from Otafiire.
Ecweru: Trump, Bobi Wine and now Munyagwa is dreaming the unfeasible dream. Well, maybe Otafiire is about to return to the seminary?
Otafiire: Why don’t you go and feed your starving chicken in Teso?
Bahati: He has starving chicken?
Munyagwa: @Ecweru, I don’t need the Trump card to win the FDC race. All the signs point to what I stand for.
Abiriga: And what would that be?
Munyagwa: Vibrant Opposition that is willing to stand up against any amount of intimidation. An Opposition that will mobilise the people power that has waned over time. Besigye alone is no longer enough, we need many other actors to lift the spirit of the people.
Anite: Can Admin please throw this man out. This is not a platform for his party manifesto.
Ecweru: But he is the Admin.
Bahati: You mean he is sole Admin?
Abiriga: Funny, he doesn’t want sole candidate Museveni.

DISCLAIMER

This is a humour column and the views expressed henceforth may not necessarily be an objective assessment of the individual or group.