This week, a human of Uganda called Nakalungi immigrated to America and her first order of business was to go to watch my eternal crush, comedian Trevor Noah. She took pictures with ‘my man’ and posted them on Facebook. I was on my way to work when I saw the first post and immediately, my face fell.
I felt so unaccomplished, so unlucky, so uncompetitive.

Here I was in a dingy taxi seated next to a man who would not stop mumbling under his breath about how greedy his wife and children were, always asking for money but never showing any appreciation. How he was tired of commuting to work early in the morning while the rest of his household continued sleeping. I had to shut my ears to the disgruntled father/husband because he could have very easily distracted me from my own sad moment. I was determined to feel sorry for myself so I plugged in ear phones and turned the music up.
Why Lord? Why does my Nakalungi have to be the one to have her dreams come true while all I do is eyeball her and ‘my man’ on Facebook? What do I have to do to realise my dreams too? And on and on I went. Then I started to imagine that Trevor had come to Uganda to look for me and apologise for indulging my friend with a photo-op.
You should have seen the smile on my face at this point.

I felt his hand tap my shoulder as if to say that all was well. I moved to cover his hand with mine only to realise a little too late that it was not Trevor but a confused and irritated taxi conductor I was touching. I quickly realised my folly and pretended to be asking how much the fare was to which he spat, “Madam stop asking silly questions. I already told you how much it is. Give me my money”.
I admire Trevoh very much because he is so witty that he got himself a world class late night show and is also very well-read and intelligent and need I mention easy on the eye? So whoever said you cannot have it all in this life lied. Trevor seems to have it all or at least a lot. Anyway, so the point I am trying to make is that I love Trevor Noah in a stalker-ish way and I envy Nakalungi.