In Summary

It is easy to identify Greatcoat curiae by its smell. This is a musty smell that arises from a mix of mothballs, sweat and accumulated grime. Even if you have never owned mothballs, a greatcoat will smell of mothballs. This is a supernatural occurrence that nobody can explain; part of the Greatcoat enigma. It is this smell, unfortunately, that you will be forced to come face to face with once you enter a taxi on a cold morning

The worst thing about cold weather is not everyone around you having flu, by the way. It’s when you enter a public transport vehicle and someone is wearing a greatcoat. Here is my definition of a greatcoat: a horrendously huge jacket lined with some sort of synthetic material or animal skin on the outside that is taken out once a year to combat the cold.

A greatcoat is almost an animal by itself, judging by its overall appearance and weight. If I were to classify it I would call it Greatcoat curiae. A greatcoat, by the way, wears the wearer. It yawns at him from the bowels of his closet and commands the frightened individual to put it on with immediate effect.

It is tragic to note that a greatcoat is never washed. Every layer of dirt adds to the warmth of the greatcoat. Do you remember the brutally cold season of 1987? No? Well, neither do I but the memories of that time, coupled with some of the raindrops, are forever etched into the greatcoat.

It is easy to identify Greatcoat curiae by its smell. This is a musty smell that arises from a mix of mothballs, sweat and accumulated grime. Even if you have never owned mothballs, a greatcoat will smell of mothballs. This is a supernatural occurrence that nobody can explain; part of the Greatcoat enigma. It is this smell, unfortunately, that you will be forced to come face to face with once you enter a taxi on a cold morning.

Indeed, so powerful is the smell of Greatcoat curiae that you almost expect it to start talking to you, whispering memories from eras gone by as your eyes water from the offensiveness of the pungent smell. Have you also noticed that all greatcoats seems to be generally the same colour- grayish-green to greenish-gray? Do you ever wonder why? Well, it’s because all dirt is the same colour- gray. Ha ha ha ha!

Finally, this may just be a product of my overripe imagination, but it seems to me that greatcoat wearers start to resemble their greatcoats- in personality- over time!
Please wash your greatcoat this week.