This is not the “best and worst” kind of thing—we don’t celebrate mediocrity but recognise halfwits and dimwits. When our jury of three got down to work, there were one too many empty persons to pick from.

The gift donation
It happened three years ago and the revelation came through over a year past but the conviction of Patrick Ho changed the narrative.

We learned that while some two in-laws were out there, they were being referred to as HE, which we though meant His Excellency but Americans said it meant His Exhibit and added some peculiar figures to them.

They call their own president “dumb” so I think they are dumb too. When you put two people with a Ho in a private room, what do you expect but a binge? Even dumber is for their justice system. Now they have convicted a Ho for doing things under the covers (forgive the pun) with HEs but even before the sentence, they have to rescind the conviction because a major piece of evidence of their basis for the conviction has turned out to be a white lie.

Americans might be taking their fight against the Chinese invasion of Africa a little too far, calling gift donations bribes.

They even sent a nitwit to Kampala in the name of an FBI investigator to check the address of a charity and, can you imagine the fellow reported back talking to a sleepy starved askari and that was it? The Chinese have been giving us money for everything; they probably even bought that huge white toilet van that is symbolic of the presence of a spotted animal on the prowl.

The two exhibits deserve the outstanding award for representing the country in a major US court by appearing on display there. Dumb Americans! They did not play our beautiful national anthem and hoist our great flag while displaying the exhibits in their court.

Bagyenda and BoU
This one goes into the pictorial of the Empty Tin pullout. We have those legs, Crane Bank, images from CCTV camera footage and the proceedings, not forgetting Odonga Otto allegedly submitting forged documents.

When we thought the Central Bank should be the most serious institution, it turns out it is a hall of drama.

Now it is clear why the shilling keeps reeling from the steam of the dollar and why billions of shillings go missing from that great architectural building toward each presidential election.

Qute Kaye
Ginkese and the ear studs guy. Everyone used for fall him, men and women alike. But in 2018, they wanted to fell him with clubs after he allegedly turned up from a long hiatus as side mirror thief. You won’t see another comeback of such magnitude.

Ivan Byekwaso
This guy has enough muscles to scare away death and that is what appears to have happened in August when he was reported dead. Eulogies poured in as people mourned a hero who had represented Uganda several times in bodybuilding contests.

Turns out that while death was hovering around him, he twitched his biceps and the thing fled for its dear life—to go and kill other lesser mortals maybe.

Apparently, he needed the death hoax to get away with some troubles and if you thought Edith Gasana was clever, you have to give Byekwasa a medal for having an empty head.

Mugisha Muntu
Now this guy is a General, speaks like a shopkeeper and acts like a poultry farmer. But still we are supposed to believe in him.