A man’s way of communicating is far different from that of a woman, writes June Lutwama
One of the fastest ways to ruin a relationship is with spoken words. This applies to both men and women. Most men tend to use very few words.
Ask a man how the day was, expecting to get a blow by blow account, he just says, “fine”!
Most women, however, can talk till the cows come home! They express ideas through words. Most notably, they express their emotions more intricately with words.
If they feel angry, they immediately verbalise it. They feel the need to put discomfort, disappointment or other emotions in words to experience some release. Not only is speaking important for emotional release, it is also part of thinking for women. Speaking about an issue helps them sort out our thoughts. It is part of the mental process.
Men process before speaking
Most men, on the other hand, talk after they have thought it through. They understand and process things differently.
Most men process their thoughts internally and then express the solution to their partner. Many men will spend time on an issue, and even withdraw when looking for a solution to a problem. He will constructively talk to you when he thinks he has a solution.
It is inadvisable to push when a man is processing a situation because she will get a forced answer.
There are some things that can ease the communication process.
Some men, for example, understand things better when they are given actual examples of what you are trying to communicate. For example: Instead of simply saying you feel ignored, give specific examples of incidents when he ignored you.
Many women cause confusion in their men because they do not say what they want to say. They may come home moody and complain about everything except the thing that is really bothering them. When they are asked what the matter is, the answer is almost always “nothing.”
They want men to probe and investigate what the real issue is. Many men get confused by this. They soon learn to retreat when they see a moody wife. Making an effort to get to the point makes communication richer.
A lot of women actually think men think like them in that area. So they read between the lines into things that are not there when their men communicate. Most men speak what they mean. If he says no, he means no, for example. It does not mean “perhaps” or “it depends” or even the opposite “yes”.
An effort to understand thought processes can help in communication. Try to learn your man’s understanding of the way you communicate.
Try to understand the way he communicates. Adjust if you can. Your effort will encourage your man to also adjust in his communication with you.
WHAT TO SAY
”Sort your thoughts before a discussion so that you can be on the same wave length. If it is an emotional issue, sort out your emotions before you speak.
Many women cause confusion in their men because they do not say what they want to say.”