Dear Heart to Heart, I am a 38-year-old woman and have been married for 12 years. I do not know where to begin but my marriage is going through a bad phase. My husband and I seem to have grown cold toward each other and have not had any physical relationship for the last one year. Whenever I try to discuss this with him, he tells me he is tired and somehow, he brushes it under the carpet. It is really bothering me a lot. What should I do? Anonymous
Muhammed Bello. There is what we called love disparity between you. Change the way you dress, talk, seduce, cook and above all the respect you have for your husband. He may be having the problem of what we call over familiarity with you and needs something new to reawaken him.
James Aloka. You are not alone because a number of married couples face this problem. However, take things slowly until you talk to your husband and reach a common understanding.
Ken Kisiga. Your husband is going through some sort of stress. You just have to understand what is stressing him. It might be job-related, a debt or something else. Also, he may be suspicious of something you did and finds it difficult to express himself.
Oluwaseun Okanlawon. Although some men are acting up these days and women are at the receiving end and vice versa, I know that you probably have not told us everything about this issue. What are you doing wrongly?
Liberator Ojok Justine. It happens in most marriages. I normally get a lot of such cases in the hospital. You need to attend a marriage counselling session with your husband.
Jambala Rudi. Well, I just want you to know that once a partner in love behaves like that, he or she has another person who attends to his or her needs. Ask your husband for the truth and if he is tired of you, move on.
Joseph Nuwasiima. Maybe your husband found out that he is infected with HIV and now he is protecting you. First go for a thorough test and if possible, ask him to go with you . If both of you are found to be negative, then you can start thinking about winning his heart back.
Ferister Kisakye. Maybe he is saving you from something. If we love someone, we do not want to hurt them.
Ronnie Rupiny P’Sumba. Crazy as it may sound, he could have contracted HIV and just failed to disclose his status to you. Kindly request that you both go for a test. He might just find the courage to open up to you instead.
Enid Kahubire. It could be your actions maybe against his family or what you tell him or maybe your actions against other people or even your demands as far as material things are concerned.
James Odiya. Sorry my dear but be very careful because your husband may be going through a rough time and needs someone to stand by him. So, think about the 12 years you have been with him and help him overcome what he is going through.
Oluwakemi Esther. I want you to commit everything into God’s hands because with him all things are possible. Break is capable of breaking all these chains.
Proc Taylor Christian. Just seduce your man. Look attractive, change your way of dressing, your hair, smell good all the time and be romantic. Take good care of him and he reciprocate.
Nafula Joan. Initiate a discussion about it and take your position as a woman ready to listen and understand. If he remains adamant, ask his best friend to talk to him.
Lilly Grace. My dear pray very hard because your marriage is at stake. Your husband might be getting sexual satisfaction from somewhere else because he lost interest in you.
Phoebe Miriam. Since he has stubbornly refused to address the issue, do not die in a sexless marriage. Your husband has found a sex partner elsewhere and is okay. Find someone who will love you unconditionally and move on.
Christine Nsokwa. It is the understandable to feel bad as a woman when this happens. However, the only people that can solve this impasse is you and your husband. Talk to each other.
Tell him his acts are hurting you
Dear Anonymous, it might help to check if there is anything making him withdraw and to lose his libido. Let him know how his sexual abstinenece is hurting you and that the relationship is important to you. Maybe this approach will make get a new perspective on things.
If this does not work, encourage him to openly talk about what is leading to the lack of desire. Sometimes there could be deep underlyibng problems that are creating the drift. Also, ask him about some of his sexual fantansies and whether he would want to enact them with you. This might act as a great aphrodisiac.