Dear Heart to Heart, He is 30 and I am 26. It is two years since I moved in with him . However, despite getting a job in a Telecom in 2014, his bank account is always empty. He never meets any home bill apart from rent leaving them to me yet whenever his family has a problem, they run to him. His best friend bought a plot and is almost done building a house but it is with him that they drink endlessly, coming home at 3 am or not at all. Yet despite all this, he wants me to give him a child, is that fair?
Bonnie Ogwang. You I think the best you can do now is to sit him down, when he is sober and you talk one on one. That is the only way you will get his view about you staying with him. I believe he has brothers or sisters or someone in their family you can talk to, try raising you issues to one of them so they can also help. And if you try all this but are not seeing any changes then I advise you to give him a little time to grow.
Tendo Kimberly Zion. 26 is young 30 would be a threat for you, my dear. This man is not doing anything about you have agreed upon in the talks you have tried to have with him regarding your future with him. It is better that you leave.
Christy Tina. You need to know who you are, that will help you decide your next step. But do not forget to pray for wisdom. But in the meantime, move out.
Phoebe Miriam. You My dear, as long as your boyfriend has no plan laid down to cater for you please get out and stay out, unless you plan to cater for the family while he continues drinking! So sit him down and talk maturely to him concerning saving and investing as you plan to raise a family! By the way you are not married to him and so you have an option of finding a more development minded guy and moving on. Do not imprison yourself when you still can live and love again.
Nyakojo Donavan Alecs. Talk to him and tell him that you want to leave and give him a reason why.
Amos George. No He is irresponsible my sister, think twice.
Bright Murima. So sorry about that, however that man does not seem ready to take on any responsibility. With conditions not seemingly favourable for you to develop, I guess you need to take the cue and move on. It will save your time tremendously.
Siwa Martinez. If Please do not waste time on the same gentleman, look around and start a new journey.
Solange Jacque Tasha. It is so sad my dear but fake pastors Run and do not look back.
Christopher Otim. Madam slow down and talk to him.
Nsamba Ronie. Be strong and pray to God for change.
Kans Julie. Wake up darling, you are in darkness. Run for the sake of your future when you still have time, do not waste your life and time on someone that does not seem to value you. Otherwise, when you deliver, what will you and the child feed on during the recovery period when you are not working? Make the right decisions when you still can.
Henry Kiramba. That Sister, find yourself a dictionary so that you can understand the difference between cohabitation and marriage. You are only cohabiting and that does not need much preparation for either side. However, if you are ready to get married, then you can make all these demands on the man.
Mwesigye Akiiki. Why do you expect him to be responsible for you yet he is not married to you in any way?
Nassuna Martha. That is the problem with my fellow women. You moved in with the man and now you expect him to act as one that is married to you or accountable to you in anyway. It does not work that way. At least make your relationship recognised by organising a visit to your aunt. However, even then, there is no guarantee that he will change.
Namara Marlene. I have seen several relationships blossom despite cohabiting. However, my belief is that your boyfriend just has a character issue that you are not going to change by yourself. He might have been brought up that way or is not ready to settle down. So if you are ready to settle, I advise that you move on.
Caleb Masiko. Do not worry yourself, move on.
Evelyn Kharono Lufafa, counselor Ssuubi Medical centre
He spends all his money elsewhere
Dear AF, sorry about what you are going through but you need to communicate because this is the basis of any relationship. Sit down with your boyfriend and talk things over. In a clam way, first appreciate the good things he does then tell him about your grievances.
It is also good not to set ultimatums as this makes your partner more stubborn. Rather, be assertive and say what you would like without using anger. Sharing roles can be another good idea where if he pays rent and asks you to support with water bills where you are able is good.
You mention his friend who has built. It is better to concentrate on developing your relationship than comparing your spouse or yourself with others. This happens in many relationships and requires continuous open communication if you two are serious about staying together.
Money is a complex subject in relationships and so needs to be handled with care, if you persistently discuss how he spends the money, it may hurt the relationship. If you must talk about money then it has to be fair enough that you both agree on how you want to spend together. You can also seek professional help if the relationship stills does not work out after doing all the above.