In Summary
  • Even though society scorns them, the number of girls who marry old men is increasing. Christina Atuhe finds out more.
  • “But many of such couples start off with the belief of they are in love, flaunted with gifts, luxurious trips and unexplained sums of money among others. They say young men are always on a shoe string budget. ”

I married her! So I do as I please! Her face was swollen compared to the rest of her body but it had been marred with red, black and green patches. She had scratch marks too.
Funny enough, when he was being held and dragged out of the building by security, she cried out, “don’t kill him….please leave him”, as she tried to shield him with her body. Her behaviour did not surprise many of the women present.

Nancy, like many other young women had settled for a man who had turned her into what we would call a “drum” for reasons she would only understand.
Interestingly, nowadays, it is becoming trendy for young girls to marry old men.
What I call old, is any man above 50 and has had one or two failed marriages. Basically an “old broom that sweeps best” arrangement.

Yet these girls put up with a lot of criticism since they are looked at as desperate and in dire need of a decent place to stay, a hand to feed them and a place to call their own. Most of these relationships zero down to the man playing the main provider, given our tough economy.

Digging through the past
The only way to understand people is by learning about their past. Why exactly would he fail to live with one, two or even three women? Is it them or is it just bad luck?
For instance under the battering hand of some of these men, the education paper ceases to be the strong point on your CV.

You are rendered useless and have less to say that is heard. Not forgetting that he is also having a few side moments of pleasure with other ‘young girls’. However, the dynamics of African society would rule in his favour. Adultery is forgivable as long as a man provided for his family.
But many of such couples start off with the belief that they are in love, flaunted with gifts, luxurious trips and unexplained sums of money among others.

They say young men are ever on shoe string budgets. He moves into a bar and carries Shs20,000 notes only for four beers while he who knows how to love ‘cash wise’ will surely carry that same amount just for airtime and of course so much more to spend on his girl and a couple of friends. But then how much longer do girls have to pay for all this lavish life?

Listening to women who got into such relationships say they noticed signs of him being violent, but after looking at all the cars and huge apartments set before her, she believed and told herself it will all get better. After being diagnosed with a broken femur or a dislocated jaw, it probably felt like being in the eye of a storm. After a few moments of peace, you realise a lot of damage had been done.

“I rarely condone violence but some women really try one’s patience,” James laments.
Yes, some women are extremely hard to keep up with. She will yell from the rising of the sun to sunset and her venom might be more poisonous than that of a snake, but raising your hand at her or having sticks set aside to punish her is not a wise idea either.

Time is a very unexplainable phenomenon. One moment it is all merry and the next reality sets in. It unfolds and reveals all that was under the cream.
These relationships normally crumble at once and one party comes to the realisation that she had finally become attached to someone yet they were no longer available as she thought.

But until many young women stand straight and wear their armour of strength that they too can work and not have to feed off another hand or put up with domestic violence from anyone regardless of his position, this will keep going on.

Many will hide it under layers of makeup, handholding in public, long sweaters and scarfs and with the numerous posts on social media platforms to show the world how lavish they live yet beneath all that she tries to find speak but she is not heard.

I believe the greatest gift God gave us is love. It comes in when least expected like an aurora unexplainable, yet many have learnt how to disguise it with the pleasures of life. But how about we get back to getting into these “relationships” for it not what is offered, but what one feels.