Nigerians have perfected the art of conmanship. Scamming is probably the highest foreign exchange earner and the problems contributed 99 per cent of Diaspora remittances in the West African country. And we haven’t even banged the empty tin in this office to play the corruption anthem yet. Oh, we won’t.

You know why? Because it appears like if we revised the Leopard’s age and allowed him another 33 years in office, Nigeria and Chad will look like doodles when the corruption index is drawn.

And when that time comes, our dear SKK will not be going to New York to just accept a measly $500,000 but 100 times that much. When I try mathematics, it is always as bad as Museveni trying to be honest, so I won’t even bother trying to figure out what 100 on SKK’s ‘gift donation’ would amount too.

However, it is always easy, this life, for guys like us who don’t need Gen Elly Tumwine’s brain to think. We can quickly get out of mathematical equations by tagging the Mwenda guy into things.

If you did, he will tell that $500,000 times 100 equals to industries, factories, industrial plants, and big buildings that house factories, industries and industrial plants.

Does it make sense? If it doesn’t, we also don’t know anything. This is occupational hazard of tying to think like the Mwenda guy. Only him knows that corruption is a good thing and he probably knows where SKK and his squeeze have constructed factories, industries, and industrial plants with that ‘gift donation’ by now.

Back to issues, some Ugandans are nursing constipation from contorting too many muscles in their facets in the name of being angry with SKK for that ‘gift donation.’ I don’t understand this. We all knew it would happen and should have planned to receive our donations, but let ourselves get distracted with Zari’s thighs and Prophet Mbonye’s semblance of hair, and now we are angry?

This is envy. In SKK’s shoes, I would have asked Ho to have Chinese construct the College of Gift Donations in Kampala.

Then would appoint SKK as the vice chancellor with the mandate to absorb and recruit the guys in OPM, State House, ministries, Police and even the owls in parliament as lecturers. Basically, all those associated with government.

Within one semester, we won’t have enough space in this country to accommodate all the gift donations from Ho and his cronies. These lecturers will have to teach citizens and themselves that stealing is not bad, the bad and unforgivable thing is being caught.

Also, when you decide to steal, never involve your wife. A wife can be so persistent and leaves trails for the Dog to sniff.

Do you all now realise why nobody is talking about the other guy who is also cited in the gift donation? He didn’t involve his wife. Time and again SKK has been fingered in some greasily stuff but there were never glaring trails for the Dog to sniff. Those times, he didn’t involve the wifey.

Many years ago, Albert Einstein said – and we quote – “Women are very good with receiving gifts until you allow them to climb the UBC mast, then they will tell you about sell of goats.” If Einstein were around today, he probably would be wondering why SKK’s wifey has not yet come out to claim she sold yams and French beans to raise the gift donation.

However, this is the festive season. Keep your anger in check and understand it is the season for exchanging gifts. Anything else you try to pull off could be considered occupational hazard by the other general whose attempt at singing was more occupational hazard than the cake house design.