Iam not a hateful person, but there are people who make me dream of revenge night and day, day and night. They have wronged me, they have wronged gavumenti and I wish to see them sued for every single cent they possess.

1. Bodaboda riders who drive their machines from hell on the pavement, scattering people like maize grains before them. A friend of mine always says he fears the wind sucked out the brains from under their helmets a long time ago. In fact suing will not help, just take them all to the Sahara desert and let them do all the racing they like there.

2. People who direct drainage onto tarmac roads. No sooner has gavumenti built a road, after much weeping and wailing from residents, than these same people go on to destroy the precious road by turning the edge of it into one long drainage system. Do they think tarmac possesses eternal life? A-beg! Let them be used as labour to build the next road.

3. Taxi touts and drivers who hike fares when it rains, as if the raindrops are more expensive. The Sahara desert is too comfortable for them, let them be deported to Antarctica and see whether they can hike the price of snow there.

4. Litter-bugs. Iyiiii!!! Every time I see a kaveera thrown out the tinted window of a car I want to scream and puncture their tyres. How dare they! Our entire planet is choking under the collective weight of plastic and these goons think it’s ok to add to the mess. Well, they should be arrested and work like field slaves - chained to each other by the leg and picking buveera all over the country, in the sun, the dust, the rain and the mud. Let them pick buveera until they see them in their dreams.

5. People who urinate in public. I have inhaled enough ammonia to build a block of fertiliser in my body, thanks to these loose-zipped individuals. I say open a fertiliser factory and put them to work, having to create 100l of ammonia daily using nothing but their offending appendages.
justice for all!