Brethren,
Part of growing old is letting go of some of the dreams you held in your youthful years. I know that Lupita said ‘Your dreams are valid’ but this is not always the case.

I will bravely reveal that once, I dreamt of being a video vixen. Who is that? Well, if you look at many of the pop ‘music’ videos around today, you will notice a woman, or a troupe of women, shaking their body parts violently to the ‘music’ (In quotes because nowadays it is difficult to tell— is it music, or the product of a mind addled with mind-altering substances?)
A video vixen is not to be mistaken for a dancer.

Dancers generally have some sort of order that they follow. Here is a beat, and here are dance moves that go with the beat. Dancers generally operate in plural, while video vixens roam the screens singularly. And by the way, there are male video vixens as well, only that no word quite as onomatopoeic as ‘video vixen’ has been found to describe these men.

‘Video fox’ doesn’t have quite the same ring to it. If you are wondering how to identify a male video vixen, just look for a man whose main contribution to the video is his masculinity/beauty. All he does is roam around, with his shirt off so that the lead singer (if she’s a woman) or an actress can rake his smooth, muscular chest and arms up and down with her fingernails, or sing into his chest, laying her beautiful cheek ever-so-softly upon it.
But back to broken dreams. I could not follow the path of vixendom because, firstly, of my height. I am so short that I’m sure nobody would have noticed me during the vixen auditions. I would probably have been trodden on by all the tall, graceful vixens-in-waiting.

Secondly, there is something woefully unfair about wearing three pieces of string around my voluptuous figure while everyone else covers up as if the Pope were visiting. If we are wearing strings, why can’t we all wear strings? Why should Mr Male lead singer get to wear nice warm clothes while the poor vixen in the background gyrates as fast as she possibly can to avoid freezing to death?
Surely, life cannot be this unjust.